December 2012
Grandma lived on the corner of 8th Avenue and Bellview in Mesa and we lived just about 5 or 6 houses down on Bellview. We lived there until I went into Kindergarten, so until I was 5 1/2. I can remember calling her and asking if I could spend the night and she always told me yes. I would pack my little suitcase and walk down to her house and was always welcomed with a hug.
I remember her house always being so tidy and clutter free. You walked into the living room where she had her nice furniture and then if you went down the hall you would first come to Grandpa's room on the left, then Grandma's TV room next to that. Directly across the hall was her bedroom and bathroom and next to that was Grandpa's and the guest's bathroom- it was all blue. From the living room you could walk straight into the kitchen and then into the family room or Grandpa's TV room. It was large and I always stayed away from it because it was "Grandpa's room" and he was always intimidating to me. He watched bowling and kept the volume very loud! He would walk out of his room, through the kitchen, down the hall and stand in the doorway of Grandma's TV room and say "Mom, will you dig me some ice cream?" She would always say yes and follow him back down the hall to get him some ice cream while he made his way back to his chair.
I have so many good memories in that house. I remember going grocery shopping with grandma to Bashas' where she would always buy Bashas' brand vanilla ice cream and let me get a Slush Puppy, I always chose grape. I also remember earning $1 from her for cleaning and organizing the cupboard at the end of the hall that stored her Tupperware- yes, the real stuff. There were times I would get lucky and she would only have a $5 bill so I got a bonus!
Even after we moved to Javelina Circle we still continued to be close to her. I spent many Friday nights with her watching TGIF, staying up late, eating ice cream and goodies (she always called them our vitamins) and having Rice Kripsies for breakfast.
One time she had shoulder surgery and somehow I was elected to stay with her and help. I was only about 11 or 12 at the time. I remember sitting at her kitchen table with her laughing and laughing while we played Monopoly. I also remember her asking me to make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That was one of her favorite things to eat. She always had Roman Meal bread, Skippy Peanut Butter and Welch's Grape Jelly. I pulled out all the ingredients and slathered on a layer of peanut butter and then a small amount of grape jelly, because that is the way I prefer it. She stood next to me to supervise and said "put some jelly on there!" I added a little more and again she said "put some jelly on there!" I guess my attempts weren't enough because she finally grabbed the knife from me and did it herself!
Not long before I got married she sold her house because the neighborhood was becoming unsafe and bought a condo on 22nd Place in Mesa. Again, her home was tidy and uncluttered and her closet was extremely organized. I would pop in for lunch and spend time with her on a regular basis and she always seems pleased to see me.
I remember one time I was on a date and he happened to live right by Gram. It was getting late but somehow we decided to go see her. I called her up and she got so excited that she would get company, even if it was 10:30 at night! Grandma was a night owl so it was always a safe bet to call or show up late at night.
Once I got married the family fell into a natural pattern of each spending a weeknight with her playing games and having dinner or treats (be it orange slices or ice cream with chocolate syrup). Jared and I always looked forward to going over and would even go on nights that it wasn't our turn. It was wonderful to give Grandma something to look forward to and spend some quality time with her.
Grandma permed her hair regularly and one night while we were at her house Jared commented on her hair asking if she had just had it "fluffed." She laughed and laughed and from then on it was no longer "I am getting a permanent", it was "I am getting my hair fluffed." It was an inside joke between us even after she gave up perms and went to wigs.
Some of the games we would play were Farkel, Phase 10, Skip-Bo, Yahtzee and in the later years, 5 Crowns. She always played fairly but we always got a kick out of teasing her about cheating when she would get 5 Yahtzee's in one game. I will always remember food, laughter and card games with my Grandma.
In 2005 my parents added a mother-in-law quarters so Grandma could be close by. She was so happy there and loved being so close to family. Annie and Brigham were especially lucky to have such precious time with her and have her close by. Annie got to chauffeur grandma around occasionally and grew very close to her.
One gift that my grandma left me is a love of cooking. She always loved new recipes and was never afraid to try something once. Some of my favorite things she would cook where homemade macaroni and cheese and stir fry. She always kept her knives sharp and was a master at cutting lettuce into fine shreds.
One thing I will always be grateful for is my grandma was very easy to talk to. She had a great sense of humor and was very quick-witted. She could laugh and joke with anyone, no matter their age. My brother, Ben, mentioned in her life sketch as a grandma that it seemed everyone had their own inside jokes with grandma. How true!
I never left her house without a hug and a kiss and knowing that she loved me. She was a young grandma and always loved having fun.
When I was a Senior in High School she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She opted to have a mastectomy and never had problems again. Years later she was diagnosed with Myelodysplastic Dysplasia and battled that for the rest of her life. She had a few bad years where she had absolutely no energy and was very low functioning but she wanted so badly to be able to do to the things she enjoyed like cooking and driving. She would get a blood transfusion and have a few good days, or weeks or months, just depending and then it was like having our old grandma back!
At one of her very worst times in 2004-05 she still managed to crotchet a blessing dress and blanket for Addie. She had promised that she would do that for the girl that gave her the first great-granddaughter. It's a treasure in our house and each of my girls have worn it.
It almost became funny the number of times that we thought it was "the end" for Grandma and then the very next week she would bounce back and be asking you what she could "fix" you for dinner. Eventually though, the end was inevitable and Grandma got to the point she could not recover. It was also getting to be extremely taxing for my mom to care for her and give her the attention she needed. It was decided on May 7th that the following day she would need to be admitted to Hospice Care. That happened May 8th. The following day she had bounced back and was asking for her glasses and some Lofthouse Sugar Cookies. The nurses said she could home the next day! Well, that never happened. On Friday she was out of it again and my mom called to tell me I probably needed to come. I literally threw a few clothes together, didn't even say goodbye to Addie and Lucy and left Kimber laying on the living room floor with the flu. We were leaving for Disneyland the following Monday and something told me I needed to get packed ahead of time. I am SOOOO glad I listened!
When I arrived at the Hospice House I was prepared for the very worst but Grandma didn't look as bad as I thought she might. She certainly wasn't her self but it wasn't the look of death I have seen before. I spent the rest of the day and evening with my mom and a few siblings that popped in and out enjoying their company and feeling of grandma's sweet spirit. She was only slightly responsive but could not focus her eyes when she did manage to open them. My mom and I debated whether or not we should leave her alone for the night but in the end decided we felt like it was okay to leave her and that was we would be well rested the following day.
Saturday was a day I will always treasure. It was pretty miraculous that myself, Bethany, Heather and Annie could all be there at the same time. We laughed the day away while we clipped Grandma's toe nails (on one foot anyway) and rubbed lotion on her legs. We crammed ourselves in that little room along with my mom and brother and had a wonderful time!
We eventually decided to go grab some lunch and let Grandma rest quietly for a while. After we got done only Bethany and I returned to be with her. We sat in her room, which was dark, and just stared at her. It was so peaceful and she looked like she was finally resting well. After about an hour Bethany and I both looked at each other and said "well, I feel ready to go." It was like all of the sudden we got the confirmation that she was okay and we had done our part. I remember leaning down to kiss grandma on the forehead and telling her that I loved her. That was the last time I saw her alive.
That evening my mom returned to spend the evening and night with her and at about 2am Grandma passed. My mom was able to be with her and care for her in her last few moments. My mom called me at about 2:40 to let me know and I will forever be grateful that she did. She questioned whether or not she should wake up us but in the end she made the right choice.
I wasn't able to go back to sleep for quite some time as I laid there thinking about my mom and Grandma and after about an hour or hour and a half I could suddenly feel Grandma next to me. It wasn't scary but very peaceful. I had my eyes closed but could feel her lean down and kiss my forehead, just like I had to her that afternoon, and in my heart felt her tell me "I love you too." I'll forever treasure that.
The following Friday my mom, Bethany, Allie and I had the opportunity to dress Grandma for her funeral. Dressing her was huge for me since I had a bad experience with a viewing a while back and vowed to never took at a dead body again. I told a friend about it after it happened and will paste that email here:
I always knew I wanted to be part of dressing my grandma and even told her I would. When she finally passed away I automatically planned on doing it and surprised myself that i had no fear! My mom, sister, sister in law and i got in the car to drive to the funeral home and the anxiety started to settle in. I started to get very scared and nervous about everything. My sister (who does viewings but not touching of dead bodies) felt the same way I did. The closer we got the more panicked I became trying to tell myself that it was just Grandma and it would be okay. We prayed before entering and once we got inside I was a mess inside. I was so freaked out I wanted to cry. I know that sounds like a total drama queen, but it is a really hard thing for me. The mortician came out and said he was ready and I quickly asked for gloves! He gave me the strangest look and ultimately i didn't go for them but I was terrified. My sister and I warned my mom and sister in law that we would probably need to look from a distance and take a minute before being totally comfortable. Once he led us to the room, the spirit hit us and we could feel she was there and we were no longer petrified. It was so strange. She didn't look like her at all but at the same time we recognized her. My mom was so sweet and gracious with her and went right up to her stroking her arm and talking to her. When it was time to begin the dressing I decided I could be helpful but touching was not something I was ready to do and when my sister vocalized the same thing I was relived! We handed things over and did put her slippers on but we never did touch or maneuver her. My sister in law on the other hand. HOLY SMOKES! That girl was amazing. Her mom died about 3 or 4 years ago and she helped dress her so this was nothing new. I could not believe the way she got in there and applied makeup just inches from my Grandma's face, picked her up, positioned her hands, rubbed her eyes and lips to clean off excess makeup all without ever blinking an eye. When it came time to put her in the casket, the mortician, my mom and Allie (my SIL) picked her right up and gently set her down. It was actually funny the way Allie had no fear that it made us laugh. She could own a mortuary!
I do wish I could have done more touching but for me, even being there was HUGE! Thankfully helping out on Friday made the viewing on Saturday so much easier. When it came time to do her veil I was able to jump right up there, stand over her head and place it with no fear what so ever.
Grandma's funeral was funny, lighthearted and full of friends and loving family members. For years she said that all she wanted was for us to have a big party with tables full of food and have fun as part of the funeral. And my mom delivered! She had it catered and I couldn't believe that everyone actually stayed to eat and socialize. I know it made Grandma very happy.
My Gram was such a special lady. In the last 5 or so years she could put on a grouchy side like no one I have ever know, but we always knew it was short lived and due to other factors because she was naturally so loving and kind. I am so grateful for the wonderful memories she has left me with and the legacy of love.
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