We have a good friend who often expresses frustrations he has with his wife. They are both tired, overworked and in my opinion, a bit too sensitive when it comes to the follies of their spouse. After months of this, one day Jared finally told him that he cannot remember the last argument he and I have had. That doesn't meant the opportunity hasn't presented itself, we have just chosen not to take advantage of that opportunity. And to me, that is one reason we have a successful marriage. We just don't care to waste our time on the small stuff.
*I feel that our marriage also works because we make time for each other. The other night some friends were telling me that Friday night is their family night. They order pizza and watch a movie as a family. For a split second a felt a twinge of guilt for not doing something fun like that with my kids, but then realized that wasn't something my family needed. Right now they need happy parents who are connected.
I look forward to our Friday night date more than some people look forward to Christmas! It's the most important thing I do all week.
*We support each other. We are in a very busy season of our lives. Small kids, hefty church duties for Jared and busy school duties for me, a busy season for our business and more. When Jared has to drop everything or leave the house with short notice to attend to church duties, I don't flinch. Not because it's easy, but because I support him. I support the direction he is headed in life- since it's the same way I am headed. And he does the same for me. Every second Thursday of the month is my Power of Moms Learning Circle where I get together with a group of ladies and we discuss an assigned article. He knows it's important to me so he tries his hardest to be available to keep the kids.
*We laugh as often as possible. At each other, at our kids, at ourselves, at anything we can possibly laugh at.
*We do things to support each others interests, even when it's not that interesting to the other person. I can't count the amount of time I've spent at a car lot while Jared walks around eyeballing the new trucks. And I can't tell you the number of hours he has spent following or chauffeuring me around to stores picking up this or that for projects I need or things for our family.
*We don't freak out when someone throws a curveball. I'm taking off to Idaho at the end of the month. And Jared didn't even flinch. In fact, he encouraged me to go. The mom....leaving.....for four (maybe five) days.....over Halloween....while he works out of town..... Can you see why a husband might have trouble with this?
*We encourage each other. Speaking of traveling, he has had the chance to take a few out of state trips lately. When he told me he wanted to hike Mt. Whitney in California, I said yes, do it! And when he paid a lot of money for a hunting tag in Colorado, I was excited for him. I could have very easily protested and given all of the reasons it's terribly inconvenient, but who cares! He will always remember those trips, he will never remember just another day at work.
*We recognize that we are both spread very thin. And we are understanding about it. There are weeks that fly by and I feel like we hardly get a hello in before 11pm. And there are days when dinner is nothing more than waffles and syrup. But nobody gets worked up because: a) this is not a permanent busy season b) we are both trying our very hardest c) worse things could happen.
*We are on the same page. We feel the very same about the key parts of life; religion, family, home-life, finances, etc. We don't make major decisions alone, we discuss important topics, we work through issues quickly and know that not every thing in life merits a debate. Discussion maybe, debate no.
*We give each other credit. We both know that neither of us would intentionally do something to hurt the other person. Jared knows I would never say something just to cause him frustration. And I know he would never purposely act in a way that would cause me heartache. We know that each of us are human beings who are trying our hardest to always do the right thing. Unfortunately, our actions are not always right, even if our intentions are.
*We never bring up past issues. Having said all of this doesn't mean that we don't have hiccups now and again. We most certainly do, but we move past them as quickly as possible and we never ever remind each other of past incidences or challenges.
We were raised very differently but we have brought the positives and negatives to our marriage and I feel we have done a great job forging a successful path to eternity. I don't open up often about how much I adore Jared because I hold those feelings close to my heart, but he is everything I never knew I needed, everything I knew I wanted and everything the Lord felt I deserved. On a weekly basis we agree that our life together is so far from where we pictured it, and so much better than we could imagined.
